December 2008
27 posts
11:00 pm-I found that loose thread
Today; I tugged and the entire fucking thing came unwound. What a bloody mess, my heads screaming, my arms itching.
p.s- your so easy to convince
12:42 pm-I am the scarecrow; she is the birdman.
The sun is glaring in my eyes, and these ripped jeans have found a new tear. My fingers nervously twisting my ring-round my finger. I see you, I hear you, I know you, but who are you? Not that person, not my person, pick up the bottle. Find whatever it is your looking for; find it fast. I want answers, I will hold my vocal cords: down and back. This is how it needed to be, I can’t think of a...
11:25 am-The clock is melting.
It is taking bits and pieces of me down the drain along side it. This is not fair, how you play your little word games till nouns dance a frenzy in my head. Till I can sleep at night, and that man in the road he started to appear more often but only when it rains. Your words haven’t saved me for a long while now, and as far as this circle its been a straight line for months.
I leave for...
10:26 pm-Created Case of Paranoid Schizophrenia
Side Notes:
Note to self- I have no self preservation skills, it’s all or nothing. Note to render- This is not personal, I know this may be difficult for the mind to wrap itself around. It’s not sensible, it’s not logical, but then again I am not one to ponder nor dote on the lack of reality in a space where nothing what-so-ever is sensible in the least sort. It would be...
11:04 am-Christmas Day
Sitting next to me is the best Christmas present ever, more then I could ever ask for or even deserve. This is our second Christmas together..
p.s-I’ll fallow you into the dark…
8:35 am-waiting rooms are for nervous pacers...
I am sitting in a waiting room waiting for Bethany to return from getting her braces off. Her mother is here, and I feel like hurling.
p.s-loving someone is watching them die.
3:55 pm-I've never been so happy to be alive.
I’m so very in love.
p.s-the next two weeks will be the best ones I’ve ever had.
2:00 pm-Count Down
24 hours in a day.
60 minutes in an hour.
60 seconds in a minute.
In 48 hours, I will be in Kentucky, and she will be with in sight.
p.s-I am scared.
9:16 pm-I guess our answers change depending on...
I’m not sure what to write here, I guess that title says all I need to get off my chest.
p.s-Note to render; I’d rather stay clueless so if you think your doing me a favor by informing me, you really aren’t.
“Truth is , everybody is going to hurt you . You just gotta find the ones worth...”
– Bob Marley
2:50 p.m- Hello, I love you.
Listen, are you listening/ can you hear anything I’m saying at all. Repeat myself, I will fix this, I will fix this, whatever this is, has become, would have been, I will make it what it should be. Four hours there, four back, over a thousand miles just to see your face, and remember that song, “I’d walk a thousand miles just to see you smile”/ Now its true, I cannot wait for you to be...
3:50 pm-I stand corrected
I am puking my guts out, my new found realization, that I, have nothing to offer.
p.s-I am nothing to be reckoned with, my pockets are as empty as your words.
11:46 am- Memories are taking over my life.
You left so many roads full of dust trails, with unlocked gates while investments herd the opportunity to escape. Where did it go, and what did it go for? I add up my funds to find I sold 4 short. I’m stuck now, with a handful of nothing and your sweetened dissatisfaction. I said smile, and make it real, but the distrust is the truth. It’s valid, it’s you. I run up the path, once...
4:05 pm-Pre-game show.
When I look around, I see a handful of kids, blessed with a nostalgic outlook, that stems itself in countless burrows, nestled deep within their hearts. Congratulations… you held on to your childhood longer than anyone I have ever known. This is what makes you beautiful.
We only want to tell stories. We only want to dream up ways that this world can differ from reality. Life can only be so...
11:26 am-You changed yourself and I changed me
I swear that you don’t have to go
I thought we could wait for the fireworks
I thought we could wait for the snow
To wash over Georgia and kill the hurt
I thought I could live in your arms
And spend every moment I had with you
Stay up all night with the stars
Confess all the faith that I had in you
To late, I’m sure and lonely
Another night, another dream wasted on you
Just be...
2:37 pm- Attention breaking news.
The small flame has turned into a roaring fire, all means have been taken to extinguish it. However, despite former efforts, the tempters continue to rise, engulfing my life’s work.
I called shot gun two days ago, why the fuck didn’t the fire listen?
p.s- I am being burned alive.
p.p.s- I would ask for help but I know better.
p.p.p.s- Fuckit.
5:02 pm- I did not mean for this.
I can’t feel it anymore, I am more sorry then you will ever know.
p.s- I do not know if this is your fault or mine, not that it matters, it does not make this suck any less.
4:38 pm- Appreciate what you have.
“I’m not calling anymore of the shots.
I’m not being the independent decision maker.
I’ll watch you shake your head at me, and walk away.
I’ll listen to you talk about how horrible I am.
I’ll know it’s my fault.
It doesn’t hurt as much as I imagined.
Maybe the part of my brain that feels emotion is gone.
Worn out. Non responsive. Dead?...
4:34 pm- We're still so young, desperate for...
I know what tomorrow could hold if I could just let go of the Tremor, my newfound Tremor, my Gag Reflex - they are capitalized because they mean more than their letters.
I feed the watchmen pudding with the palms of my hand. he told me to talk to the trees but I fear the advice because I’m not sure where it starts and where it ends i can not see the roots that could very well strangle me...
11:21 pm-Mistaken
I mistook the conversations on all-nighters.
p.s-I’m sorry, I didn’t want this friendship to run down the drain. but it is.
drip
drip
drip
drop
11:29 am- Angel of mine
The way she looks at me, like I am something to marvel.
“I remember when you said you didn’t like the Twilight series. I figured I wouldn’t by then, but by the time I saw the movie I had the need to know those two kids would end up together. So, I read all the books. I didn’t stop but to sleep & go to school. I wanted to know that good things do happen in...
3:43 pm- I was once the lion, now I'm just the den
but it was accidental, no matter how explosive. I could tell you i hated you every day for the rest of our lives. you would force yourself to think i was telling the truth, but only because you’d know i wasnt. and you’d wish i was. Like air slowlyleaking from the confines of an overblown balloon, all it takes is a sharp poke. right in the skin. right in the ribs. and i’ll leak...
2:52 pm - Beauty fades, when your make ups lies.
I hear your plea, I’ve heard it over and over and over. when is enough, enough? when will you see the scars, inches thick on my ego because you put them there. I know, I know, I know, I know, I stood there, right there, in that spot over there, and I let you kill me, suffocate me, drowned me, strip me down, burn me, cut me, pour salt in my wounds with every word that left those lips of...
1:52 AM - radio static Current mood: thirsty
radio static is probably the most beautiful when it’s natural; an interruption, not placed someplace in a structured stream of music for definition or dimension; static, accidentally. static, automatic. now you get it. piano keys scratching lesions in my eardrums, rusty guitar strings scratching holes in my fingers, i’m going to be ok, i think. i hope. i’m sure. useless....
8:46 PM - systematic, electrical sockets; baby,...
i am electric, in the way that a current could pass through the walls of a broken down apartment complex, or hotel, years after the power has been declared nonexistent. blowing up an inner wall; creating an implosion; i am the electric current racing through your beat up broken down haunted house of a heart, and no matter what you say or who you try to convince… i’m sure it’s...
Your testing what little patience I've fabricated
I feel I go by standard and in my head I’ll start to wonder will we go under? and in 100 years or so when we are nothing but our bones will we think of the past and slumber? or will we roll over? and though its easy to condem the house that you grew up in it’s not that easy to pretend that it means nothing…
Kelsey Wild, says in better then anyone I know.
Here I am On the...