I hate thinking,
about how much time I spend working. I add the hours together then multiply it by how much I make for every hour I am there. Then I start to think about all the things I am missing by spending that much time working. I need the money though for the future. Then I start thinking about why I need the money and if those reasons will still be the same in a year. It’s strange to think about how I am not even a year away from being on my own.
A lot of things have changed in the past year. A lot of ups and down and little to no explanation for things that others decide for me. The older I get the more I notice I don’t take people seriously unless they can give me logic for their actions. I think this is mostly because I used to fallow the rules no matter what no questions asked. Then one day I stepped back and realized that the rules did more hurting me then protecting me.
I think that when someone stands in a position of power they just do most things because they can. There was also a day when I discovered that I could do what I wanted regardless of what anyone said. There is no such thing as having control over another, the only reason that you might is because that person decides to let you.
My father used to tell me that I was impossible to punish. My mother can be thanked from that I have always been able to detach myself from things so that someone eliminating them from my life would appear to have little to no effect on me; emotional detachment is what the doctors called it.
This train of thought lead me to think about things from a different prospective. I make my own mistakes given because I am only human, but I also spend a lot of time paying for mistakes that people make and I pay for. There seem to be no repercussions for them and I wonder how that can be how the mistakes are theirs yet they get off with nothing but self scorning. What does that say about me?
